On anxiety and aperitivo

"From the moment that you realize  
Most of this ain't real  
To the moment that you decide 
Shall we go out tonight
And we'll swim from these island shores  
'Til there's a fear of drowning "
(British Sea Power)

I've been a little quiet on the blog for a while.  This is due to a combination of 2 weeks' tough work for a closing and a week of aperitivo.  So work and socialising.  Plus ça change...

I've found myself becoming a little more contemplative as the number of days until qualification becomes rapidly smaller.  Perhaps it is the feeling that I should be a little more serious about myself now that I'm about to take on a "real job" (being a trainee, of course, is not real).

Something that I've noticed, perhaps unsurprisingly, amongst my compadres (myself included) at work is a certain level of anxiety relating to work.  For me, this manifests itself in a constant paranoia that I've done something wrong.  For example, after doing a task at work, on the way home, I suddenly realised that the document had crashed halfway through and I might not have saved the document sufficiently soon.  Obviously, I had, and the whole worry was for nothing.  But this was merely one example.  All the time, I see people working ridiculously hard on things or being strongly affected by events at work and I'm not sure it should be like that.  

However, can I honestly say that I would be as good at my job if I weren't quite so anxious about getting it right all the time? (I am assuming, for the sake of this post, that I am reasonably good at my job, however I might feel about it.)  Probably not.  I love my job, and am perhaps one of the few people who can say that, hand on heart.  I suppose the question ought to be "to what extent can one remove the anxiety to not make us miserable, whilst still retaining the same level of achievement?".  Perhaps this is what makes us good lawyers.  Perhaps there is no alternative, and in the jobs which I seek where I find the challenge in itself to be rewarding, there will always be that certain fundamental level of angst.

At least I'm not a transactional lawyer.  I think that would be a step too far on the path to mental breakdown.

On a lighter note, since things became a little quieter, I have been taking advantage by going out for aperitivo every night this week.  Excellent.  Of course, I will not be able to do this in London, so now is the time.  We also had a totally spontaneous night out at Just Cavalli Hollywood, which is an excellent club, full of good looking people and Eurotrash, people dressed to impress, people splashing the cash, excellent tunes.  Great night.

McQueen

In a week when there's been fascinating news such as the unfolding of the LIBOR rate-fixing, Andy Murray making it to the Wimbledon final (and well done lad) and, of course, my physics roots manifesting themselves as CERN fangirl when the Higgs Boson was announced, it seems somewhat trite to discuss what I've been up to.

However, onwards we must.  Work has picked up, I'm doing a lot of translations for client BD, as well as some actual transactional work.  Transactional work makes me anxious and ill, so it is probably better that I'm not qualifying into a transactional team.  The closing seems to be actually happening, however, so I will sort of be on standby tomorrow.

Other than that, life continues.  I went to the sales with a couple of friends.  Fun, but I only bought a scarf.  Admittedly, an Alexander McQueen froth sull scarf in black and grey, but nothing else. 

 Subtle skull - only visible when spreading out the scarf over large surface (i.e., orange bed).

If I have to cover my head in the Vatican, I will do so, but in a fairly irreverent way.  Atheism win.

My Italian seems to have picked up again, after a while in the doldrums.  It helps that I get to talk about "il bosone di Higgs" where all the language is THE SAME.  I'm hoping this high continues, such that on Friday, when we have a trainee dinner and social, I will not sound like a total 'tard.  After all, I've been here for nearly 4 months now.