Last Post

I have been away from Italy and back in London for a good two weeks now.  Having taken my first real "chill out time" walk around Hyde Park in the autumn sunshine, and having spent my first two weeks back in the London office doing training, I'm ready to finish this blog.

Rome was... like the friend who you like but who tries a bit too hard to make you like them.  You know you should put more effort in, but they're exhausting and you can't be bothered to find the hidden parts.  I suspect that part of this was being in a language school, where everyone was on holiday/a tourist, as opposed to my time in Milan where I had a ready-made network due to work.  I did meet some people from the Rome office (who were lovely) and I suspect that if I'd been out there longer, I'd have seen them more.

Still, I spoke a lot of Italian and I think my level improved, which was the aim.  The people in the Rome office who I met, I never actually spoke English with (exception of one girl who was half English), which is somewhat of an achievement.

Said Italian has now deteriorated.  Merda.

London has, aside from nightmare flat situations and spending two weeks on various friends' floors/spare beds, been rather fun.  I know I out myself as a bit of a gimp here, but I'm actually looking forward to starting real work as a financial regulatory lawyer.  Terrifying, of course - the expectation is rather higher than being a trainee and there's no easy get-out after 3/6 months.  However, I've seen the team a couple of times at social events or team meetings and it is actually really nice to see them again.  This might also be tied with my general "make the best of whichever situation you find yourself in" attitude - it hit with departments and with cities.  To be aware of in the future.

Overall?  Milan, you rock.  I will miss my friends there, but I will go back to see them.

PS - the Italian for LHAS?  Probably FUS ("facciamo una seratona" - "let's have a big night out").

Highlights of my Milanese adventures

As I approach the end of my secondment in Milan (next Friday!), I thought now might be the time to reflect on some of the amazing experience I've been through.  Of course, this list is not exhaustive and I hope to have more adventures in Rome, but for now, I set out the below.

-  the atmosphere after Italy beat Germany to go through to the final of Euro 2012
-  nights out at Just Cavalli
-  riding on the back of a "motorino" through the deserted nighttime streets of Milan (don't tell my mother)
-  aperitivo and various lunches with the finance trainees (LADS)
-  sushi, prosecco, gelato and catching up with Italian girl bestie
-  being able to, if not quite hold my own, at least not feel completely out of my depth when speaking Italian with Italians
-  spontaneous steak dinner outside late at night with the other trainees
-  reading in my room with a view over Lake Como on a Saturday afternoon
-  eating gelato in the early evening watching the sun set over Lake Como
-  dramas with Italian boys
-  gazing out over Turin from the top of the hill just before a thunderstorm hits
-  an amazing shopping trip to Serravalle with Ruth, my secondee bestie
-  Ruth's genius comments including "portfolio", "spread the risk", "short nightie" etc.
-  afternoons at 10 Corso Como
-  being fortunate enough to go to an opera and a couple of recitals at La Scala
-  random invites to dinner/drinks/cities and just being spontaneous with accepting invitations
-  getting to know the trainees, even if it was towards the end of my secondment
-  brunches with various visitors and a new-old friend from uni
-  the people generally

It's all gone a bit wrong

It has, quite frankly, been a bit of a terrible week.  Usually my life is pretty awesome (that's not me showing off, this is fact).  However, this week:

1)  I worked on both of the bank holidays.  During a week which most of the rest of Italy have off.  GRR.  Loads of corporate work because Italy is unable to sort out its workload and plan properly.

2)  One of those days, I was going to work from home (not cool, but could be worse).  However, my computer decided that it was going to downwards-spiral itself into further oblivion and not allow me to work on Word without it crashing.  Every.  Two.  Minutes.

3)  The flat I was going to move to has fallen through because the landlord wanted a (completely non-market standard) lease of three years.  Forget that!

4)  As a result of the above, my financial situation is more unstable and I was thus unable to go to Liguria this weekend.  Also because of potential work.  Also because Jen and Jon (LOVELY LOVELY PEOPLE) went flat-hunting for me and I had to be by computer and phone.

5)  I finished my training contract and am thus no longer a trainee (am not a qualified solicitor until I get my practicing certificate).  Of course, this is a good thing, but it is also a terrifying thing.

6)  I just had a quite scary experience with my neighbour.  He rang my doorbell and introduced himself and invited me to his restaurant for a dinner/drinks and was not put off by my "oh but I just ate" (which was true) etc.  Given that this guy has seen me off my face drunk being brought home by my friends and called me "bellissima" and "dolce", I suspect he was after one thing.  Bit terrifying as he is a) quite a lot bigger than me and b) lives so close.  Ummm not interested.  I had to escape, by texting him (he got my number and didn't fall for my giving him the wrong number trick) and then escaping out of flat to other place.   10 Corso Como was closed (!) so I spent the evening in Armani Bamboo Bar, which does have phenomenal air conditioning.


So overall, not ideal!!!!  Still, it can only get better, right?

Being an adult

It seems that the closer I get to qualification (3 days until finishing the training contract, 17 days until I am hopefully put onto the Roll and can thus "hold myself out as being a qualified solicitor"), the more certain, more mundane, parts of my life seem to be falling apart.

Tasks that I have become truly terrible at of late:  doing laundry on a regular basis (as opposed to waiting until you're approaching running out of pants or the top you want to wear isn't clean); having a stocked fridge/having anything in the fridge that isn't salad or prosecco; cooking; cleaning on a regular basis; managing one's money sensibly rather than buying the occasional pair of ludicrously expensive but beautiful shoes, und so weiter.

These are all household tasks, ones which I am sure I used to be good at at university but seem to be doing less and less.

However, when I compare to the other things that I do, I'm not so sure it's really a problem.  They're hardly the same as winning at life.  I've managed to somehow get a job in the department I wanted to, in London (which is no minor feat), having spent a fabulous 6 months in Milan, learning Italian, running around with my Italian friends, visiting places and overall gathering stories.  Surely, in the dark days and nights in the office, noone is going to want to hear about how I spent my life cleaning my flat, they're going to be far more interested in hearing about crazy Italian nightclubs, aperitivo in designer bars and nights where you get whisked off on a scooter.

That's how I'd rather live.  So I guess I'll carry on, even if it's the archetypal definition of "hot mess".  London, I'm ready.




"But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere." – A.S. Byatt, Possession




***EDIT***  I am now no longer ready.  As expected, ever closer to qualification, something ELSE has gone wrong and it seems like my flat has completely fallen through.  So back to the drawing board on finding somewhere else to live.  This is bullshit.

Songs that will ever remind me of my time in Milan plus a selection of lyrics

Well, as much as I don't want it to end, my time in Milan is coming to a close.  In three weeks' time I shall be heading down to Rome to focus on my Italian for four weeks (as noted this weekend, my Italian is currently much better than my French and I hope to improve it further).

With brief explanations as to why (for some there are reasons, for others there are not), I include below a selection of songs which will always remind me of Milan.


1)  Goodbye Kiss by Kasabian

Doomed from the start

We met with a goodbye kiss

I broke my wrist

A good friend told me about this song quite early on in the secondment.  It's so unlike other Kasabian songs and has such lovely lyrics.  This will be the song that makes me cry a little.

2)  Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

I didn't know I would feel it

But it's in my way

[Literally, there are no good lyrics in this song, but it's so damn catchy]

Thanks to Belinda for bringing this "amazing" tune into my life.  However, the topless Abercrombie version makes it worthwhile.  Look out for Milan in the video.

3)   Come Back Little Star by Patterson Hood

I'm not really mad

Mean I'm trying hard to understand

We both have these dreams too long

To let them slip through your hands

I've got a drink or two myself to control the sting

Standard blown to tatters

When you traded in your wheels for wings

[In contrast to the aforementioned song, this song is full of beautiful lyrics]

A lazy Sunday afternoon whilst a storm was raging outside lead me to this beautiful beautiful song

4)   Without You by David Guetta and Usher

I can't quit now, this can't be right  

I can't take one more sleepless night  

Without you, without you

No real reason, but it's awesome.

5)  Heroes by David Bowie 

Though nothing,
nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes,
just for one day

 Olympic madness, Team GB forever.

6)  Promises (Skrillex remix) by Nero

And you keep telling me,
Telling me that you'll be sweet,
And you'll never want to leave my side,
As long as I don't break these...

Promises, and they still feel all so wasted on myself

Sad lyrics over dubstep.  What's not to love?

7)  Hangover by Taio Cruz

I got a hangover, wo-oh!
I've been drinking too much for sure

Meravigliosa Mantova

Continuing my tour of small towns of Northern Italy (especially those that feature in the works of Shakespeare), I made it to Mantua (Italian name - Mantova).  Not much to say - small town, very pretty, great gelato (obvs), Palazzo Ducale was lovely but damaged by the earthquakes that hit here a couple of months ago.

Very little else to say, so here are some more photos...

On anxiety and aperitivo

"From the moment that you realize  
Most of this ain't real  
To the moment that you decide 
Shall we go out tonight
And we'll swim from these island shores  
'Til there's a fear of drowning "
(British Sea Power)

I've been a little quiet on the blog for a while.  This is due to a combination of 2 weeks' tough work for a closing and a week of aperitivo.  So work and socialising.  Plus ça change...

I've found myself becoming a little more contemplative as the number of days until qualification becomes rapidly smaller.  Perhaps it is the feeling that I should be a little more serious about myself now that I'm about to take on a "real job" (being a trainee, of course, is not real).

Something that I've noticed, perhaps unsurprisingly, amongst my compadres (myself included) at work is a certain level of anxiety relating to work.  For me, this manifests itself in a constant paranoia that I've done something wrong.  For example, after doing a task at work, on the way home, I suddenly realised that the document had crashed halfway through and I might not have saved the document sufficiently soon.  Obviously, I had, and the whole worry was for nothing.  But this was merely one example.  All the time, I see people working ridiculously hard on things or being strongly affected by events at work and I'm not sure it should be like that.  

However, can I honestly say that I would be as good at my job if I weren't quite so anxious about getting it right all the time? (I am assuming, for the sake of this post, that I am reasonably good at my job, however I might feel about it.)  Probably not.  I love my job, and am perhaps one of the few people who can say that, hand on heart.  I suppose the question ought to be "to what extent can one remove the anxiety to not make us miserable, whilst still retaining the same level of achievement?".  Perhaps this is what makes us good lawyers.  Perhaps there is no alternative, and in the jobs which I seek where I find the challenge in itself to be rewarding, there will always be that certain fundamental level of angst.

At least I'm not a transactional lawyer.  I think that would be a step too far on the path to mental breakdown.

On a lighter note, since things became a little quieter, I have been taking advantage by going out for aperitivo every night this week.  Excellent.  Of course, I will not be able to do this in London, so now is the time.  We also had a totally spontaneous night out at Just Cavalli Hollywood, which is an excellent club, full of good looking people and Eurotrash, people dressed to impress, people splashing the cash, excellent tunes.  Great night.